On Losing Her

 On Losing Her (for my son, I love you already)

Losing you was like running out of air 

Though I’ve never really panted for dear life

Sometimes at the most random times 

I’m overtaken by the demons of my anxiety

And they, like spikes in my brain, 

Penetrate into my foundations 

And at the core they find you

You, who might have been

and you who will not be. 

Do you think it’s particularly fair?

We can reveal those little secrets

And entrust another with our hearts 

like Meleager whose life depended on carefulness 

which a heart-holder must have. 

But for it all, it turns out for naught

Why did I not beg of you at first glance: 

“Be careful with my heart, my love!”

That which beats within is much more 

precious than we will ever be able 

to imagine. 

So watch over your heart, son. 

Make sure that the one who holds it

Knows how to protect it and won’t burn it 

Like Meleager destined for waste

Tell her to keep it warm as “mama’s oven” 

Make sure you are in good hands, my son. 

For if you took she that I loved into your hands,

You would be left with no choice

but to teach your son the same.